In honor of Bill Simmons

No, Bill Simmons isn't dead, but at Nosebleeds, you might be able to tell that someone (NOT ME) should be sued for plagiarism of his writing style. Thus, because of his dominance over thousands of people daily, we have decided to do a running blog of Thursday night's beginning games first-half because we have nothing else better to do (We need girlfriends).

1. I thought everything was positive for tonight when Clark "Cornflakes" Kellogg was not in studio, but of course, I get screwed by CBS again. Instead of getting the Memphis/Texas A&M game, I get Kansas' soon to be destruction of Southern Illinois.

2. Continuing on that thought, Dick Enberg is broadcasting the game with Jay Bilas. Did you know Jay Bilas is an attorney? So all you people who think he doesn't have any brains, don't sue him over basketball analysis, he'll chew you up in court.

3. There is NOBODY IN THE STANDS. Is this the women's tourny or a Tribe home game? If San Jose can get a regional final in a hockey arena, you better believe The Q will get one in the near future.

4. Southern Illinois leads the nation in Ronaldo Balkman look a-likes. They got two in the starting line-up. Remember when teams used to die their hair blond or all go bald to show team unity? I think everyone on SIU should go with the Ronaldo Balkman look, imagine the white guys.

5. Like any team who doesn't want to win a national championship, SIU decides to jack threes all game. I have a theory about teams like that in both the NBA and NCAA: you stand around and jack threes, you'll loose in the big time. There are sooooo many teams that have proven my theory: The Phoenix Suns, half of college basketball.

6. I also forgot one thing that has smeared the games: Media timeouts. It's all about money baby.

7. I didn't get the gift from God as CBS teased me about the Texas A&M viewers getting the game in 10 minutes. Still got stuck with this mismatch.

8. We have our first Masters ad. That music just makes me think of white golfers and members who disliked African American members getting destroyed by Tiger. Go get 'em Tiger! TIGER!!! WHEW!!

9. Man, attending Miami makes me really appreciate the women here. I state this after seeing the SIU cheerleaders who were recruited from the local cow pastures.

10. Wow, SIU is keeping the game close. Imagine if Randal "Meet the" Faulker would have made two of his dunks.

11. Nice Cavs possession by SIU. They have a chance for the lead, attack the bucket right? No, stand around and shoot a fade three that hits nothing by air.

12. Rush from Kansas is soooo close from having a flat-top hairstyle. Where's Hot-Rod when you need him?

13. SIU's offense: a guy dribbling, drives and the four other guys stand around the perimeter waiting for the kick. It's good to see the Cavs creative offense is spreading around the country.

14. I'm not the biggest supporter of college basketball (and never will be until UM starts winning more or they move the three point line back). But one category I give college basketball an advantage over the NBA is the ref participation. They stay out of the game and let players destroy each other. In the NBA, breathe on a player and the refs will give you a T.

15. Well at the half, we have Kansas winning 27-24. I really wouldn't be surprised if they wake up and run away.